MARKING BRAINLIEST WHEN I CAN! 30 POINTS!!

hi, i need help with feedback on this introduction paragraph. please review it & answer or comment your feedback. :)
paragraph:

Should cigarettes really be illegal? Well, smoking causes lung cancer, strokes, and many other diseases. Smoking is also one of the most preventable deaths in the US. In the US, more than 480,000 deaths occur a year due to cigarettes. Smoking should be made illegal for our health.

this is just the intro. thank you!

Should cigarettes be illegal? Smoking can cause lung cancer, strokes, and many other diseases. Diseases caused from smoking are one of the most preventable in the US. In the States, more than 480,000 deaths occur a year due to smoking related illnesses. Smoking should be made illegal to protect our health.

I changed it up because you need more variety in your diction (wording), and also the phrasing could be slightly improved. When you wrote "In the US, more than 480,000 deaths occur a year due to cigarettes" the phrasing didn't make much sense. You don't die from a cigarette. You die from diseases that are caused from regular smoking.

Hope this helped!

~Just a girl in love with Shawn Mendes